The Cultural Divide

I didn't think it exists...not in urban India..not in Delhi and definitely not around me, but it does and I seem to have only recently woken up to it.

You know I am a Punjabi Kshatriya (derived from Sanskrit ksatra meaning power, dominion, government) girl and I am about to marry a Vaisya (derived from Vishal meaning to live essentially merchant and trader community) boy with roots in Haryana.

Ideally there shouldn't really be a big cultural/ideological divide between the two castes. They are similar in status, both belong to Northern India and both today speak Hindi.

I realised it isn't as easy as I thought and that there still exists a big divide between the two cultures. Now I wonder if this cultural and ideological difference exists because of the caste one belongs to or are other factors such as occupation, social/regional/family backgrounds, exposure etc. more important?

The Problem:
I come from a very liberal family background and am really thankful for it. I have seen my cousins/aunts/uncles get married to partners of their choice ranging from Marathis/Bengalis/Jains/Biharis/Japanese/Italian/Tamilians/Marwaris..inter region, inter caste, inter religion.
I grew up in such environments and it has been such a blast! I thought that all my friends and contemporaries come from a similar set up...and most of them do.

When I met my 'Mister' he was so cool and open. I was studying in a Design College (extremely radical) and he in an Engineering College. Mister wanted to write a book and travel the world, make a short film and spend all the savings (when talking about future) on music and books and movies. We must keep only necessary furniture when we have a house he'd say..we were 20 then. looking at him I imagined/ assumed he came from an equally liberal family.
Mister is cool and open today as well...but I realised that his family is more conservative than I thought possible and this discovery came as a small shock. It has unsettled me. Please note that when I say his family, I am talking of his larger family which is conservative (they haven't had a single inter caste/love marriage in the family) and in turn it makes Mister's immediate family of 5 become conformists just so they can please the larger family. In isolation I think the 5 of them do just fine and maybe liberal at heart...but only in isolation and weddings aren't one of those occasions where isolation is possible. Not everything is as smooth as I imagined because of this and that is my problem!

Now what should I do? How do I come to terms with this reality? How come I didn't prepare myself for it? What is expected from the Liberal Daughter in Law facing this Conservative Reality? Why didn't Mister prepare me enough for this? Why must I feel like an outsider and the guilty party when in reality it isn't me who the family should be up against but the Son who didn't comply with their wishes?

Are feelings like these normal and every bride to be goes through them? Is this just a phase and will pass? I hope so! I would love to know what you think about this and if any of you relate to some part of it?

Oh and to top it all my horoscope says I'm "Manglik" (its not a good thing) and that is the material for another post!

ps: this post is in no way meant to hurt "to be family" in case they are reading this, its just a feeling and i would love it if you give me your veiws and feedback:)

And So It Begins

I will soon be officially begining the hunt for the wedding venue...the dates are fixed...yippeeee!!
To get a beautiful and aesthetically pleasing venue on a tight budget on the decided date is going to be a challenge...but I'm keeping my fingers crossed...!!

Karen Wise+Indian Weddings

Did I tell you guys that I received a mail from Karen Wise (the super talented wedding photographer that I raved about many posts back on this very blog!!)??
No I didn't...?? so now I am!!
A couple of days back I open my gmail and I find a mail from Karen herself...I couldn't believe it for a moment and in the next I had a super huge smile on my face!
So Karen told me about her love for Ahmedabad and its textiles and also that she liked my blog(OMG). There will be more Indian Wedding pictures from New York and New Jersey on Karen's New Blog soon and yes i'd be sharing them with all of you here as soon as I get a sneak peak:)
Thank you Karen for your very kind email and for letting me share your wonderful photographs here!

Stay tuned for more
ps: just hop on to her new blog and feast your eyes on the wonderful picture of Israel!!

Some Necklace Ideas

So I am looking to get a pearl necklace with a pendant to match my gorgeous chandelier earrings, the ones I'm wearing in my sari picture.

This style I believe is called the Rani Haar (queen's necklace). I think this style will match very well...what do you think? Which one of these 3 do you think will work best....I need some help here!

Also I have some great news to share....

The Saree I designed for Me

November/December last year were crazy months for me as there were 3 of my first cousins getting married. I went crazy shopping for the weddings and all the pre and post wedding functions. Apart from all the shopping.. I had decided to make me a sari for one of the weddings. You can see some part of the beginings of the sari making process here and the final layout here.

Thats me in the sari I designed

This year another cousin of mine is getting married and I have been given the task of making a saree for her...note I sometimes like to write sari and at other times i write saree...I like both the spellings..which one do you prefer? I must start on my saree project soon!

Wedding Customs: A Day Before The Wedding

Today I wish to share with you a punjabi pre wedding ritual....one that i personally like very much : the tying of the kalira on the bride's hands after the chooda.The morning before the actual wedding ceremony, the bride's maternal uncle and aunt come to the bride's house loaded with gifts for the family and the bride:)

It is now that the bride is made to wear the traditional chooda (a set of 21 white and red bangles, an important symbol for a newly wed punjabi bride) by her maternal uncle and aunt. the bride is not supposed to look at the chooda before or during the process is on. All family members touch the chooda to bless the bride and sing traditional songs. in olden times the chooda used to be made out of ivory but now it is made in plastic.

After the chooda has been worn, the bride's family ties the kaliras on each hand to a bangle.
Kaliras are traditionally umbrella shaped ornaments made in thin gold or silver sheets. Some relatives even tie small silver boxes, toe rings etc onto the kaliras. These ornaments signify blessings and good wishes. From now on the bride has to wear these till the end of the wedding ceremonies. Some jokingly say that the kaliras are tied so that the bride may rest before the wedding day as working with the kaliras on becomes very difficult especially if you have a big extended family (which is the case for me;).

The bride then shakes the kaliras on the heads of the unmarried girls of the family and the popular saying is that...the lucky one on whom a part of the kalira falls will be the one getting married next!! i like the traditional golden kaliras the best...they look so pretty...and this photograph above has always been one of my favourite frames in any wedding album. In India girls are often called Lakshmi (the goddess of wealth and prosperity)..and so when the lakshmi of the house leaves to go and be with her husband, she ensures that her maternal house remains prosperous by throwing rice puffs which are symbolic of food and wealth :)

i love this custom...don't you think its sweet?

all pics from rob and lauren photography, maharani weddings and theweddingbee

Honeymoon Planning

A few articles I came across via www.austinweddingblog.com on honeymoon planning and I Thought I'd share them here with you!
here goes:
10 Things Every Honeymooner Needs to Know
Top 5 Cheap Honeymoon Ideas
8 Money saving Tips for Your Honeymoon